Its Going to Matter
by mamabear452
Summary: Jackie's insecure about something...Steven cares.


Girls Locker Room- Point Place High School

 _Jackie was changing out of her uniform when one of the other cheerleaders sat down next to her with a smile._

" _Hey Jackie-you were amazing out there! I can't believe how easy you make those twists look." Alexis Morgan said with fake sincerity. "It's like it comes naturally to you!" She said continuing her gushing. Jackie shrugged, waiting for the real reason of this praise. "Thanks Alexis….ooo your lip gloss is gorgeous! Is it new?" Alexis smirked rubbing her lips together as she looked herself over in the mirror before turning to Jackie. "Oh this old thing? I've had it for ages….Hyde loved it!" She widened her eyes in fake shock. "Opps, Sorry Jackie….you're not still dating him are you?" Jackie refused to let on her to the feeling of ice being poured down her back at the mention of her boyfriend. She hid it with a smile and a flip of her hair. "Of course Alexis...coming up on six months." She smiled and began to gather her cheer bag._

" _Wow!" Alexis continued walking next to her. "I mean...six months...that's a big deal Jackie." Jackie nodded. "Oh yeah, it's great being with such a mature man...not like one of the boys that walk these halls." She stopped and smiled at Alexis. "You're going out with Ryan Jones right?" Ryan Jones rivaled Michael on the idiot scale, today at lunch he had somehow been convinced that the tater tots at lunch were potato eggs and he spent most of lunch trying to hatch one. He was as attractive as Michael was, at least….by most people's standards-Jackie's standards were different now._

" _Oh yeah." Alexis said, noticeably offended at the subtle dig, but recovered quickly. "I think I'm going to sleep with him this weekend." Jackie couldn't hold back her squeal- years of cheer will do that to a girl. "Oh my god….really?"_

 _Rachel Tripp joined at the sound of Jackie's squeal. She was proud of herself. She could completely shift the conversation onto Alexis and Ryan and she could walk out of here without any more reminders that Steven had slept with Alexis...and Rachel...and Stephanie...and a few others. She didn't care that he had had sex, she didn't even really care that he had sex with girls on the squad….her problem was that he hadn't had sex with her yet. She was trying to remain unphased, but the comments from the squad was starting to chip away at her already rocky confidence with her and Steven. She knew they were different, that their relationship was creepy and unnatural...but she found herself truly falling in love with Steven...different and deeper than she had ever felt with Michael...that knowledge both excited and terrified her….but they hadn't slept together yet...and considering her boyfriend's reputation...she worried._

" _Jackie? Jackie?" Rachel said tugging on her arm and snapping herself out of her thoughts. "Oh gosh, sorry-what?" Jackie said. Such a stupid mistake, you never zone out on a conversation with these girls...it was becoming increasingly harder to do though as she realized her interests and theirs were vastly different, minus cheer._

" _I said." Rachel said half sing-songy. "What was you and Hyde's first time like?" the feeling of ice down her back reappeared as Rachel smirked at her-they knew._

" _I mean... you told everyone about you and Michael's first time...but you haven't said anything about Hyde." She shrugged. "And unfortunately….there's too many of us here who have slept with him to know that he's not bad...so." She drew out her 'so' pointedly, clearly expecting Jackie to jump in and defend the position...luckily, Jackie had played this moment out that she was ready. "Please, like I told Alexis...I'm with someone mature...I don't need to get confidence in our relationships by the approval of others." She smirked back but Alexis appeared unphased._

" _Oh honey-it's not about approval anymore...we let you have the phase...you were grieving your break up with Michael….but this is getting serious...and we all know Steven is poor...and dirty...and smells like the pot head he looks like….so seriously, what's the deal?_

Jackie sighed, what was the deal indeed. A knock on the door broke her from her thoughts. "Jackie? You in here doll?" Steven's voice jolted her from her thoughts. Steven wasn't supposed to be here til 6:30.

"Steven?" Jackie poked her head out of the shower. Her bathroom door was closed she pouted.

"Yeah...damn Jackie you didn't answer your door...had to come in through your window...it's almost 7...are you okay?" Steven's voice was muffled by the sound of the water running and being on the other side of the door.

"Steven...you can open the door." She said biting her lip, hoping he would take advantage of the situation, maybe get a little excited….

The door open and Steven swore. "Doll the steam just fogged up my glasses." He said with a little smile on his face. "You're going to overheat."

She loved this, his concern. He showed this side to her and her alone...and she loved the moments like this. She noted that he still hadn't fully walked into the bathroom.

"Steven." She whined "Close the door you'll let the heat out!"

Steven chuckled. "Babe I could open a window in January and still not let all the heat out." He shook his head. "You finish up whatever else you gotta do...I'm going to get you some water so you don't pass out-your parents home?"

She knew he meant ''are we alone." and she chuckled ruefully "Are they ever?" She countered and then smiled. "It's just us….all alone...for hours." She said trying to sound sexy.

He didn't respond but instead said. "I'll be back with your water Doll." the bathroom door closed and she gave a small stomp.

She shut the water off and reached for her towel and began to dry herself off. Her insecurity bubbling over her causing her to feel the hot sting of tears on her face. She tried to blink them away quickly when Steven knocked on the door. "Just me doll." He said opening the door enough to set a glass on the counter and then closing the door again.

She glared at the glass...and then realized she was indeed thirsty. As she drank the water she realized she had hadn't brought any clothes in with her….she had only a towel. She looked herself over in the mirror and smiled. Not her normal way of seduction-but it would do.

She opened the door and found Steven laying on her bed reading the new copy of Rolling Stones that she had placed there when she got home. He looked up and smiled raising an eyebrow.

"Well well...don't tell me you don't have anything to wear." He said lowering the magazine, but still not setting it down.

She smiled and walked over to him and sat on the bed next to him. "I think I sometimes wear too many clothes…" She bit her lip and looked at him in what she hoped he would take sexily.

He smirked. "No doll, you have too many words. Your clothes are perfect. You could wear a burlap sack and still be attractive." He leaned over and kissed her forehead.

"Now...go pick something out….something with long sleeves or grab a jacket-it's going to be cold tonight and I'm not giving you my jacket."

She smirked, he would give her his jacket the second she did as much as rubbed her arms. "Well...what if I don't want to wear clothes tonight?" She said scooting a little closer and rested her hand on his thigh.

Steven's eyes widened with realization and sat up a little more on the bed. "Jacks, what exactly are you thinking about doing tonight." His voice lowered.

"Steven...we've been dating now for six months-and I didn't say anything because I'm trying not to get hung up on stupid things like that-but this was IS important….and we haven't…" She struggled, knowing that Steven would tease ''prove their love". Steven kissed her lips and brushed her arm with his finger tips.

"Baby...if you can't even say sex, or sleep together or even prove our love….we're not ready...and I'm okay waiting...where is this coming from?" he took off his glasses and set them on her nightstand.

She held her breath. Steven's glasses were how he kept his emotions out-by wearing glasses he could still look at people without looking them in the eye-if he was taking them off now….

"I told you….it's our 6 month anniversary." She started weakly.

He shook his head. "No little grasshopper. If you had this planned you would have been asking me all week long little things like what smells I like, what kind of music I thought was romantic...or if I prefered silk or lace." She involuntarily shivered from the cold of being in nothing but a towel and he stopped.

"Go put something on and we'll finish this." He whispered

Jackie hung her head, knowing her defeat and sat up walking over to her dresser dropping her towel no longer caring since Steven apparently found her repulsive and opened a drawer blindly grabbing a pair of panties and a tee shirt. She didn't hear Steven's sharp intake of breath.

"Jackie. You're beautiful." He said softly. She turned and looked at him and saw his eyes widen and try to soak in every part of her as he could. He knew she was attractive, he knew she was small as well...but here seeing the tiny and beautiful woman in front of him turned him on. However he saw the flash of anger in her eyes and wondered how someone so small could terrify him.

"I am beautiful! I am sexy and amazing and you are lucky to have me! I practically threw myself at you NAKED and yet you still won't sleep with me!" she stomped her foot and flung the tee shirt over herself and quickly threw the panties on as well.

"Damnit Jackie." Steven growled standing up and walked towards the door. And stopped, his hand on the doorknob

"Damnit…." He sighed. Jackie stood and watched him for a minute. He was trying. He wasn't walking out the door, he wasn't shouting back. He was trying to understand. He WANTED to understand.

"Okay….like I said, if you were planning this there would have been questions, and signs...and probably a bunch of romantic crap." He said-more to himself than her. She walked to the bed and began playing with the hem of her t shirt. She sighed.

"It was practice." She said softly. "Alexis Morgan said she was going to sleep with Ryan Jones this weekend….and Rachel and Alexis basically told me that they knew we haven't….you know."

""Aha." Steven said softly. "Well...what makes them think we haven't?" He said turning and leaning against the door now, his arms crossed, but not out of anger of frustration.

"Well...because….I haven't said anything about us….and when I was with Michael…" She trailed off, knowing Michael was never a good topic in any conversation between them-but especially this topic.

"It's always back to Kelso isn't it." He said dryly.

"Right….just like it's always back to Alexis...and Rachel, and Stephanie." She snapped back.

"I get it." He said sharply. "I get it." Even though it royal pissed him off to think of her with Kelso...he had no business getting upset and jealous over her past, and she had no business doing the same with his.

There was silence in the room and Jackie heard the traffic outside. A few minutes past and Jackie finally sighed.

"Steven….do you want me?" She whispered.

Steven banged his head against the door and groaned.

"Would I still be here if I didn't?" He asked. Jackie shook her head.

"Look….Jackie...damnit." He sighed and ran a hand through his hair and walked back to her and the bed. He grabbed his sunglasses, but didn't put them on, instead settling to fidget with them. Jackie watched him fidget with his glasses. She was waiting for them to go back on. Steven seemed to struggle with what to do with them however finally settled them on the nightstand again.

"Jackie...I've done a lot of things with a lot of girls, okay? I haven't slept with all of them- I never slept with Stephanie-she gave me head once that was it." Jackie nodded slowly.

"But that's all it was though, okay? Sex….two bodies….feeling…" Jackie squirmed.

"How exactly is this supposed to make me feel better about us not having sex?" She asked crossing her arms.

Steven sighed and nodded. "Because...that's not going to be us. We're not going to just have sex."

Jackie wrinkled her nose. "Huh? Is this some weirdo zen thing Steven because if it is-"

Steven shook his head and smiled. "No babe….We're going to have something better than sex, okay? It's going to be...more"

Jackie nodded slowly. "More...than sex?" She gasped and grabbed his arm. "Oh my God-are you going to propose?" She squealed. "Oh my God!"

Steven scoffed. "No Jackie I'm not proposing." He rolled his eyes. Jackie stuck out her lower lip.

"Damnit….Do you remember your first time?" He asked.

Jackie raised an eyebrow and looked confused. "Yeah?"

"Okay look, Kelso made fun of all the things you wanted...the banner, the candles the flowers….but why were they important?" His words spilled out quickly and he began to pace. Jackie looked down as she remembered her first time, it hurt, it was quick and sloppy...afterwards there was no cuddles, no whispers of I love yous, there was no flowers….and she cried herself to sleep….it was nothing like she wanted, nothing like she hoped for.

"I wanted it to be special….I wanted to to matter." She said softly, watching Steven's legs pace back and forth but unable to make eye contact.

"Yeah….sex matters. Even if you don't want it to matter...it matters. I can't promise you a lot Jackie, but if there's anything I can promise you...it's going to be this. With us….it's going to matter….if that means we wait another 6 months, or if we do it tomorrow….it's going to matter..."

he took a deep breath and grabbed his sunglasses and quickly put them on. His breathing was ragged and he sat on the bed next to her running his hands against his thighs, he appeared agitated, but she knew better...he was scared. She didn't know if she had ever heard that much...emotion from him ever.

She took one of his hands looked at him.

"I believe you." She whispered softly. "Thank you."

Steven gave a little nod and fell backwards on the bed. "Don't suppose you wanna do a circle?" He asked. He had gotten into the habit of leaving some stuff here-it was almost a safer place than Foreman's and it came in handy since he spent so much time at Jackie's.

Jackie smiled. "Nah, I'm good….but go ahead." He needed no further encouragement and got up and walked towards her dresser.

"Steven?" Jackie asked as she moved her head to the pillows and watched him.

"Just...curious...What kind of smells do you like….and what music do you think is romantic and silk or lace?"

Steven was quiet for a moment and then joined her on the bed, joint in hand.

"Umm...surprise me….surprise me...and….lace." He said wrapping an arm around her and taking another hit.

Jackie giggled. "I'll remember that."

"I'm sure you will Doll, I'm sure you will." He said giving her a small smile.

They enjoyed the silence between them. Each in their own thoughts, yet together at the same time.

"Jackie?" Steven said softly.

"Yeah, puddin'?" She said

"Why do you take such hot showers...like...my glasses fogged up man!"


End file.
